She’s calling again. Three times in 20 minutes this morning. She wants to have the divorce paperwork rewritten. She wants all of the bad removed and update the custody agreement for our youngest son.
It’s not going to happen. Here is why.
Julia,
Having the divorce paperwork drawn up was one of the most painful things I’ve had to do in my life. I am by nature, not someone to point out or even think about all of the bad things that have happened just to use them for gain. That in essence is what I had to do. But every last word is the truth. It is not an exageration like what I have seen in friends divorce paperwork. It is nothing more than a recall of the events that happened.
The statement about endangering the children is completely true. Allowing children to burn toys and set off small fireworks inside the house is not safe by any stretch of the imagination. Allowing a 4 year old kid climb up on parked cars and jump across a 6 foot drop into the yard is also not safe. Demanding that a kid stand outside in 30 degree weather because the house is evil, and not letting him wear a coat because it came from the house also cannot be justified. Trying to convince the kids to go on a road trip with you and your two drug dealing/using boyfriends also falls into that category of unsafe and endangerment.
The statement about abandoning the family is also true. Several times you just left. Several times I filed missing persons reports only to have you found in some strange place unaware of who or where you are. Yes you were dillusional. You somehow justify that as an excuse saying “You weren’t responsible for it because you were manic.” Perhaps you are not responsible for your actions when you are in that state, but I am responsible for the children. How can I justify letting you be fully responsible for children when you cannot be responsible for yourself. You just leaving, dillusional or not, is abandonment. The only difference is that you are not held legally accountable for it.
Furthering the statement about abandoning the family. What about the time you called from the hospital saying you were never coming home again. Found yourself a place to live, then left there with two strange men, only to show up at my house demanding money so that you could move to someplace else. You then disappeared, your car abandonded 300 miles away. Missing for two weeks. That also is abandonment.
As for the custody. I have sole custody of our son. I fully intend to keep it that way. No joint custody. Period. As provided by the statements of abandonment, you have proven that you are not responsible. But this goes even further with your recent bad choices to move in with a known drug user even at the expense of getting to visit with your son. I will not take the chance on having our son exposed to that. Having joint custody would do just that. I will remain the sole decision maker for our son period. Again, saying “But I was manic!” does not change the fact that it happened. What kind of parent would I be to put our son into that sort of danger.
I will continue to fly him to his grandparent’s house where you are living on a somewhat regular basis, but demanding that he be there every other weekend is time and cost prohibitive. I am already spending $300 a month so he can see you, but unless you are willing to pay half, more than once a month is not going to happen. Also, I need to be sure that he is going to visit a stable environment. I will not send him into an unknown without support such as your parents or your sister.
Go ahead and do as I suggested. Anything you want to have changed, talk it over with your lawyer. I will take any responses he or you may propose and I will have my lawyer respond why I am not changing them.
As for the threat of having the divorce revoked because you were in a group home when you signed the papers, not only have you had plenty of time in the last four years to contest it, but if you try, I will pull out all of the stops. I have chosen to hold back thus far, but I will not be so nice in the future. Everything will come out. From your affairs, to your neglegence, to you threatening me with a butcher knife, to the money I gave you for your apartment, to the money I gave you to help you out when you needed food, to the police records of all contact with you. Everything will come up, to the debt that I paid off all of, which under law was 1/2 yours, to the hidden credit cards that I had no knowlege of, but was still responsible for, to you getting credit using my income level as your income….and on and on. All the cards will be on the table. If you don’t wind up owing me money, there is a possiblilty you will owe the state money, and quite possibly wind up in Jail. You will lose what little you have now. Very few things make me more angry than threats like that. You will see a side of me that very, very rarely ever comes out.
Go ahead. Try. I promise to fight back.